Chapter One - The End

She was very organized, very thorough, very prepared. That’s what people always told her. She didn’t think so but apparently the world did. But her compulsion did come in handy at times like this.

She opened the pharmacy shopping bag and lined up the bottles. She bought extra, just to be sure. After all, she was thorough, she was prepared. She wasn’t sure how many it would take so she wanted to make sure that she did this right.
She sat in her favorite chair, the capsules in a little bowl so they wouldn’t spill. She had several glasses of water, figuring it might take more than one. And a large glass of wine, just because. She wore something pretty but not revealing, something comfortable. After all, at a time like this, one didn’t want to be uncomfortable, did one?

She took the first handful, then the second, and so on. She started with the water but then found herself taking huge gulps of the wine. She thought the pills must be working because she almost couldn’t feel the tears streaming down her face.
She watched in detached fascination as the wine goblet slipped from her fingers and shattered in slow motion on the floor in front of her. That’s interesting, she thought, I thought it would break differently than that. Like my heart.
Her cell phone chose that moment to sing to her. She couldn’t remember whose ring that particular song was so she swung her hand over and groped for the device. Serena Harrison, her best friend, sending her a text message. She sighed. Serena knew she hated text messages. Because she couldn’t help herself, she struggled to flip open the phone and read the last message she would ever get from her friend. “How R U?” read the little missive.

She looked around her clean but cluttered apartment. Not too good, she thought. She saw the small pile of mementos she had gathered by the door. Not too good at all. She was going to throw them out when she next left the apartment. But now, she realized that she wouldn’t be leaving the apartment again, at least not under her own power.

Suddenly, she didn’t want to do this. She didn’t want this at all. How had she gotten to this? How do I stop it?

Her fingers were lazy and slow and couldn’t quite seem to find the letters on the keypad. She finally managed to hit “reply” and started blurrily at the tiny, little, smeary screen on her phone. What did she want to say? What could she say to “How R U?”

She typed the only thing she could manage.

“Help.”

******************

Wow, the ceiling’s a funny color, was the first thought in her head. I don’t remember the ceiling being that color. Then she noticed several other things. The bustle of activity dressed in white coats around her, the dulled echo of machines humming around her, and the fact that she could not move.

The voices were muffled and unintelligible. She wanted to scream out to them but they didn’t seem to notice she was awake. But then again, she wasn’t sure she was awake. She realized that she was watching all the activity from the corner of the room, including observing someone with very cold hands inject something into the IV hanging from the side of her bed.

So this is what it’s like to be dead, she thought.

******************

Serena Harrison ran up to the nurse’s station, her corkscrew hair flying wildly behind her.

“James Mercer, tell me where I can find James Mercer.”

Right on her heels, Guy Burns, a heavy-set, adorable man in his mid-30's, charged up behind her.

“Is James here?”

The nurse peered up through her bifocals. “What’s the name?”

“James Mercer,” Serena snapped.

The nurse studied the computer screen in front of her for a moment then shook her head. “He’s not registered.”

“She,” Guy interjected.

“What?”

“He’s a she… I mean, it’s not a James as in a man, it’s a James as in a woman. See, her father wanted a son so he named her Jameson before her mother could tell him it was a girl…”

Serena interceded. “Try Jameson Mercer.”

The nurse clacked a couple of keys. “She’s in intensive care. Sixth floor. Are either of you relatives?”

Serena grabbed Guy’s arm and dragged him away with her. “We’re the closest she’s got.”

***********************

Serena paced outside of the ICU doors, having a hard time keeping herself from just charging through and hunting James down herself. Finally, the doors swung open and Guy came out.

“She’s… she’s…” His green eyes filled with tears and he just shook his head. Serena couldn’t speak. She looked over his shoulder and could see the room where he had just come out of. Somehow, he had convinced a doctor to let him in to see James. He’d been gone for a while. Now, this is what he comes out with.

“I want to see her.” James just shook his head, took her hand. “Guy, I have to see her.” Again with the head shaking. Serena nodded, then stepped away. Then she simply walked around him and straight through the doors, leaving him to scramble behind her.

James was paler than her sheet, her hair in disarray. Her eyes were closed but deep, dark circles ringed them. Machines did their jobs around her and she was so incredibly still. Serena held her breathe until she saw the sheet rise and fall, slowly, unevenly, but at least she was breathing.

Guy moved past Serena and took James’ hand.

“The doctor said she probably won’t wake up. She did a lot of damage. She’s not gonna…” He couldn’t finish. He just stared at her deceptively peaceful face, holding her hand, his eyes searching for any sign of life. “He said talk to her. She might hear us. At least maybe we could give her some peace before…” His words choked off and he almost crumpled. But he held on, barely.

“That can’t be. It’s James. She just can’t…” But Guy was beyond hearing. He pulled a chair up and sat as close as he could manage. Serena realized that he was whispering very quietly, stroking her hand gently. She could hardly make out what he was saying. She did hear him say, “I love you” and that almost crippled her.

“I don’t accept this. I’m gonna find someone.”

Serena stormed out of the door.

Once outside the room, Serena collapsed against the wall, unable to breathe. Her best friend was going to die. She couldn’t even think that.

She spotted a doctor coming towards the room and pulled herself together. He spotted her, slowing as he approached.

“Are you a relative of Ms. Mercer’s?” Serena just nodded. “I’m sorry. I have bad news for you.” He was very nice, he was very cute and Serena wanted to rip his head off as he explained in lay terms what was happening. Hours, pills, internal organs, stuff she couldn’t fathom. His hand gently closed on her upper arm. “Is there someone else you should call?”

Serena suddenly put it together. “Has there been anyone else to see her?”

The doctor shook his head. “Just you and her brother.” He gestured towards Guy through the window of the door. Serena just shook her head.

“Son of a bitch.”

“Sorry?”

“Nothing.” The doctor walked away, leaving Serena to cope with her pending loss.
Serena looked through the window in the door, watching Guy’s lips move as he continued to keep up his monologue. Her heart broke at the pain in his eyes. He had been as good of a friend to James as she herself had been. Serena always suspected that Guy and James were met for each other but they seemed to be content to just be best friends. To each his own, she often thought. Now, she thought it was too bad that they hadn’t gotten together, because then, she wouldn’t have been with that maggot disguised as a man who had apparently finished destroying her, after months of perfecting his technique.

Finally, the wall around her emotions came crashing down and Serena found herself sinking to the floor, overwhelmed. She tried to hold back the sobs but couldn’t. So she just let them out and let the hallway echo with her pain.

A hand settled on her shoulder and Serena found herself looking up into dark, mesmerizing eyes. A dark man stood over her, his face filled with compassion, his deep eyes taking her in.

“You need some help?” His accent was indistinguishable and his age inestimable. Serena could only nod. “Someone in here?” She nodded again. He held out a hand and helped her to her feet. He kissed her cheek gently then smiled. “All will be well.” He put a finger to his lips then quickly walked into the room, leaving Serena behind.

***********************

Guy watched this stranger come up to James’ bed, unable to even ask what he was doing there. The man seemed gentle and unthreatening. Warmth seemed to emanate from him as he got to the bedside. He smiled gently down at James then back to Guy.

“She was hurt?” Guy nodded. “By love, so it seems.” Guy nodded again. “So sad.” The man touched her still face, his fingertips seeming to softly explore the contours there. “So, so sad.”

He leaned in to her ear, and Guy could hear him murmuring. Just then, Serena stepped quietly into the room, locking eyes with Guy and hearing the whispers of the stranger. The stranger stood up, reached over to pat Guy on the hand. “All will be well, my son. She will come back to you.”

He walked out the door before Serena could stop him. She caught him just outside the door. “What did you say?”

The stranger turned to Serena, his eyes now darker, his demeanor slightly more hard. “He will pay, the one who did this.” Then his eyes softened. “She will return. She will be different. But she will return.”

“What did you say to her?”

“Blessing and curse, she will be both. She will find both. She will find her way.”

Then the stranger walked away.

**********************

It had been dark for what seemed like forever. She had heard noises and sounds but they were getting softer and harder to hear. She thought she heard someone tell her that they loved her. She hoped it was him but knew it wasn’t. He told her that he didn’t, that he never did. That’s what led to all of this.

She felt at peace, like she was floating in warm air, currents swirling around her, making her feel safe, released, comforted. She was ready. This is what she had wanted.

Then she heard it. The sound of a voice, gentle, barely audible. The words were unintelligible. She thought it might be a foreign language but everything sounded foreign right now. But she was drawn to the voice. She wanted to resist it but couldn’t. The peace and the comfort she felt was being pulled away as she was drawn to the voice.

“Leave me alone,” she wanted to scream. “I’m okay, I’m fine, just leave me alone.” But the whispers continued and she pulled back through the darkness.
Now she could hear a clearer voice. She knew the voice but couldn’t think of the name it belonged to. She heard, “I love you” and she wondered who could be saying that. Her parents were long gone, she had few friends. And he was gone or, rather, he had made her go.

Suddenly, she felt herself being pulled through the darkness and pinpoints of light scattered in front of her. She wanted to fight it but couldn’t. Then she heard a gasp and realized that it was her. The pain returned, the hate returned, the devastation returned. And she knew that she was back.